Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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