I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
