I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
