Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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