But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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