i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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