are you still at the devil's house?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
