a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
