Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
