I like to think it a success when the cops are called
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
