I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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