just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
