It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
