at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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