Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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