So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
