sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
