He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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