i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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