I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
