my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
