Your tits are I can't wait for
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize