he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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