**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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