she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
