we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
