if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
