hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
