Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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