you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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