Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
