I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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