I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
