I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
