This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
