I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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