Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
