If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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