Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
