He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
