You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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