He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
