(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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