Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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