is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
