what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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