Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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