i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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