I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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