mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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