I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
