Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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