So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
