This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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