I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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