I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
