yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
