One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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