i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
