you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
