Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
