In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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