you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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