he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
