Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
