Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
