He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
