I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
