I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
