Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize