I wish you could order shots online.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
