For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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