She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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