shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
