as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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