So gin and wine won't be happening again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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