I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
