My liver just broke up with me...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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