So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
